Christmas Chaos.

Hey guys -
Don’t know if you are like me, but as the holidays approach my anxiety goes up. There is always so much I think I HAVE to do. Karen Ehman has written a book, “Untangling Christmas” to help us figure out how to simply the holidays and make it a Christ-centered time. If you have a chance, check it out.

http://www.untanglingchristmas.org/

Merry Christmas!!

How Are You? Really.

I was asked recently to share why I blog. For me, there are many reasons. 1) God gives us all spiritual gifts for places where we can minister. Writing is one of mine. 2) I LOVE to write and LOVE to share Jesus so naturally the two seem to go hand in hand.  3) Believe it or not, I am shy. I know that people have told me that I can present myself as appearing haughty or feel like I am unapproachable. What I have discovered is that talking to people who I don’t know one-on-one scares me. I can actually talk more freely in front of a group. (I know, that is really strange. . .) so 4) Blogging gives me a chance to reach out to people in a way that I am comfortable with and share what God places on my heart. With that being said, I want to share something that has been rolling around inside for a while. Hope you receive a blessing.

 
I think that often we, as Christians, put on our masks and hide behind a facade of an image we think a “good Christian” ought to look like. When we go into church and meet someone face to face, if asked, “How are you,” our immediate response generally is, “I’m fine.” Or if we are the one asking, “How are you” we don’t really expect more than a pat answer. Often we aren’t fine.  Often we have hurts, are experiencing failure or even feel a sense of isolation that we are coping with; or we are so selfabsorbed that we don’t take the time to really see someone else’s needs. I don’t think God intends for us to live that way; on a superficial, skin-deep only level. I think God calls us to live a transparent life so that we may share each other’s burdens, rejoice with each other’s successes and
come along side one another to give support where needed.

God calls us to love one another deeply. There are many references to that in scripture. One example is found in John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” We also read in John 13:35 “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” A third example is found in Ephesians 4:2, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” In the first verse God calls us to love one another as He loves us. What does that look like?  Sacrificially? Without a doubt. Completely? Does He do any less? He is so serious about the command to love one another that He shares that, this is how EVERYONE will KNOW that we are His disciples. I don’t know about you, but as a believer I certainly want to be one of His disciples.  The last verse of these three wounds my heart deeply. We are to be humble, gentle, patient and bear one another’s burdens. I have to ask myself how often am I the embodiment of gentleness, patience and humility? Not nearly often enough. How often am I so caught up in myself that I fail to see someone else’s needs? Do I worry about what someone might think of me if I shared what was really on my mind when someone asks how I am?

Part of any love relationship is giving of oneself and serving without reservation; putting aside self to meet the needs of the one you love. This is not just intended for a romantic relationship. We are told in Galatians 5:13- 14,” . . . serve one another in love. 14) The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I don’t know about you but trying to love anyone nearly the way I love myself is a tall order. But the beauty is that it doesn’t take much to make someone feel loved. A gentle question beyond the usual, “How are you?” Taking time to stop and look the person in the eyes and really care about what’s in his/her heart. It shows. And when asked, tell the truth. I don’t mean sharing every gory detail, but enough to be real. I wonder, how do we truly love one another, if we hide our hurts and our hearts from those around us, who just might be the crutch we need to help us hobble through a tough situation.  Seriously folks, it is time to take off the masks that allow us to hide our hearts, keep us from loving each other deeply and thereby failing to love our Lord completely.

T-ball or College? Where is Your Marriage?

This past weekend Barry and I went to our yearly Couples Retreat with our church.  I was asked to write a devotion for one of the mornings so here is the devotion that I wrote.  Hope you enjoy.

I recently had the chance to watch my 4-year old nephew play tee-ball.  If you have never watched 4 and 5 year-olds play, you don’t know what you are missing.  It’s like herding minnows.  At this age everyone goes out on the field.  There are no limits to the numbers.  When the opposing team bats, 75% of the fielding team chases the ball.  At the same time one might be running into the dugout for a drink of water, another might be chasing a butterfly that just passed his nose, a third is apt to be turned completely backward watching the train go by and excitedly trying to get everyone else to watch too.  There are no outs.  Everyone gets to bat and run the bases.  At this age the goal is to make sure each of these kids plays with no pressure, no rules and everyone gets to do exactly what he wants on the field.  What often happens though is that as 17 kids chase one ball, someone gets shoved, another trips and falls one kid triumphantly beats everyone else to the ball and then doesn’t really know what to do with it.  The hitters don’t always run the right way.  Base-runners sometimes don’t run at all or run too far and you have multiple kids on bases playing a miniature king of the hill match to see who gets to stay.   Chaos reigns and it is a toss-up as to whether the kids have a fabulous time or are completely miserable.

Marriage can often be that same sort of scenario.  We frequently go into marriage without being on the same page or even having the same rules.  The wife might come from a family that always went on a Sunday afternoon drive whereas the husband’s family watched football.  The husband’s idea of a romantic evening is to fix a picnic basket, grab the fishing poles and spend the evening by the creek on a blanket fishing with his wife, while his wife’s idea of romance is fine dining and the symphony.  The wife may come from a family where her parents are divorced and the husband’s parents are still married and the ideas about commitment are totally different.  We all come to marriage with our own baggage from our past and ideas about what we think marriage should be.  We are a lot just like those little 4 and 5 year olds who have no common goal in our marriages, we aren’t on the same page, we want our spouses to want what we want and when things don’t go the way we think they should we try different tactics to get what we want out of marriage.  We may be like the little boy who bowls everyone in his path over to get to his ball.  We might be like the little boy watching the train trying to get our spouse to stop playing the game and just come watch the train.  And sometimes we just get side-tracked in life by the little butterflies of worry, selfishness, busy-ness or any other of life’s distractions.

Eventually some of those 4 and 5 year olds will learn the rules, get good at the game and if blessed, get to play in college, the game looks nothing like it did at the tee-ball stage.  College teams have one goal:  to win.  Every player knows his position and plays it to the best of his ability.  Players share knowledge of the opposing team’s pitcher to try and help each other get a hit.  They back each other up on every play so no balls get by that let the opposing team gain an advantage.  They cheer each other on and offer support, constructive criticism and work together towards the common goal of winning.  They often sacrifice individual glory to bring great benefit to the team.

Our marriages are to be that same way.  We are told in Philippians 2:3 – 5 “³Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.  ⁴Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  ⁵Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ.”   We aren’t supposed to push each other out of the way to get to the ball of our desires.  We aren’t to run over one another on the base-path of life.  We are supposed to support each other through encouraging words, thoughtful deeds and sacrificing our own personal wants and desires to meet the needs of our spouse.  The bottom line is that as we play the life God has blessed us with and we work with the team-mate God has chosen for us, we are to have Christ’s attitude in our daily at-bats.  What is the attitude that Jesus modeled for us?  “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  Matthew 20: 28.  Christ gave Himself totally as a sacrifice for each of us.  How can we do less for the loves of our lives?

Lord, help us to daily recognize that you gave everything up for us so that we might glorify you.  You gave your life so that we might live, love and become more like you.  Help us to do that with our spouse.  Help us to love each other just as you have loved us.  Take away our selfishness and our desires for self-fulfillment and help us to love sacrificially.  Help us have common goals and to work together to fulfill those goals, especially where we are striving as Christian couples to put You at the center of our lives and the focus of our hearts.  Help us to love you deeply and to honor each other most by glorifying you.  We love you Lord.  Amen

My Paradigm Shift.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a six word story about a lady who came into the same salon I was in.  She sat beside me and changed my life completely.  I need to share this with you and hope that God will call us all to live for Him.

This has been a hard year for me, or so I thought. My husband has traveled almost every week since last August and as a Homeschooling Mom, this thrust me into the role of Mom, Dad, Teacher, Coach, etc. 24/7 and I was on overload. If you know me, you know that I am also a control-freak and so I reached a point, after trying to keep it all together perfectly, where I said, “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!!!” So, we put Mia back in public school. Now please don’t read something into my comments that isn’t there. The public school was doing a great job with the constraints they have to work with, and for the first couple of weeks we all were breathing a sigh of relief. But then I met Mary Ann. And God’s truth shone through so clearly that I could not deny it and to say that meeting her changed my life, is not an exaggeration.

I’m going to confess to you here some things that I’m not proud of, but until we become real and honest in this world as Christians we cannot win others to Christ. Yes we can talk a good game, but to really live it openly and honestly is another matter. When I caught my first glimpse of Mary Ann walking through the door, I was not impressed. She had on clothes that were comfortable, but she was not as my Grandmother would say, “put together.” Her hair was very long, obviously over-processed and needed cutting. I don’t know about you, but as a woman, my hair is one of those things that helps me feel like a woman, and when I get it styled it is a big deal for me. I know y’all understand that, right? So when I saw her coming over to sit by me, I was just a little curious as to what she was going to have done and thought it was long over-due.

She did not come into the salon seeking to add fake fingernails, or  to change the color of her hair (As I was) or have the latest facial done.  She sat down and quietly spoke with the hair-dresser.  The girl chatted with her a few minutes and then the customer began to talk about needing to have her hair cut pretty drastically.  She said she had brought in a magazine with some wigs in it that she liked and wanted one of two styles.  So, she and the hairdresser picked the one they felt like suited her face the best.  The hairdresser fastened the cape around the customer’s neck and began to section off her hair and then to wet it with a spray bottle.  At this point, I was turned facing them and could see every expression on the customer’s face.  As the scissors snipped, long blonde dried-out curly locks began to fall.  I watched her face and something inside me began to cry for her.  I thought about how much having long hair is a part of my own femininity.  As more long strands began to fall my four year old could not be quieted.  She asked why the lady was having so much cut off.  Then she asked the customer did she really want to cut that much off.  She continued to ask questions and make observations.  I think she was totally distraught, because she loves her own long hair.  More hair fell and the customer remarked that she needed to have it cut because if was falling out every where, even in her food.  As the stylist continued to work and the ladies hair became shorter and shorter I watched her face and I wondered if she felt relief that her problem hair was coming off or sorrow that she was losing so much hair.  Then I heard the word that came out of her mouth and I suddenly understood why.  Cancer.  That insidious destroyer of life.  Monster that wreaks havoc on body and soul.  Suddenly that over-processed hair, wasn’t over-processed it was destroyed by chemo.  Those comfortable clothes weren’t from a lack of wanting to be “put together” but a need for comfort.  My heart ached for her and my soul paled in shame at my own snap judgement of someone who I could only judge at face value.  What did I truly know of her or her story? Nothing.  Shame flooded my body and sorrow filled my heart.  She spoke of breast cancer that had gone in remission but was back systemically.  Hope that had been there, snatched away.  She smiled wistfully as she spoke of her four month old Grandbaby and how much she loved that baby.  I almost couldn’t hold back the sobs as I sat there overhearing her life’s struggles.  Oh how I wished I could wipe that pain away for her.  How I longed to be able to comfort her.  Suddenly everything else seemed so superfluous.  What does the color of my hair matter?  Why do I struggle to cope when my Husband is traveling.  Woe is me.  Life is hard.  Really?!?!?! Who am I kidding?  It is total self-absorption.

I stepped out of my chair as my stylist finished, stepped over to the lady and put my hand on her shoulder.  I almost couldn’t see her through my tears.  I said, “I’m sorry to have eavesdropped.  I really wasn’t trying to, but I couldn’t help but overhear what you are going through.  May I have your name, so I can pray for you?”  Her eyes lit up and her lips curved into a smile.  A look of incredulity filled her face and she asked, “Really?”  Really. Really is it much to pray for someone, is it much to share God’s love, is it really much to love on someone you don’t know?  It is the very least and very most that we can do.  I REALLY wanted to pray for her and she told me that her name was Mary Ann.  I asked Mary Ann what could I pray for her specifically?  Again, this woman, whom I did not know, showed me God’s love so clearly through her own suffering.  She did not ask for 5 or 10 more years, she didn’t ask for a miracle and the cancer to be gone.  She simply said, “Please pray that I would have just a little bit longer with my Grandbaby.”  I felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest.  Here I stood, selfishly feeling overwhelmed by caring for my two children that God had blessed me with.  I was choosing to let Satan’s lies of how hard my life was rob me of the joy, experienced in loving and sharing life with my kids.

I’ve learned so much from this “chance” meeting.  God has blessed me by allowing me to be the care-takers of my girls at this time.  Their place right now, is home with me.  We brought my eldest back home for school within two weeks of this meeting.  And I have loved every crazy minute of it.  Thank you Jesus, for your grace and mercy.

God is the only rightful judge.  You and I are guilty everyday of judging those around us.  We don’t know their stories.  And you can rest assured they have one.  We all do.  His word tells us “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”  Mt. 7:1  He also tells us to  love one another.  “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”  John 13:34.  God’s love is sacrificial and unconditional, ours must be too.  God convicted me of this in the few minutes and simple words of a grace-filled woman sitting in a hair salon.

My meeting with Mary Ann has radically changed my heart.  Please as you read this and anytime after when she comes to mind, lift her up to the Father.  She asked for so little and yet gave me so much and I am so grateful.

Wispy locks. Chemo survivor. Weary warrior.

I sit here tonight and think back to this past week and find myself still overwhelmed by emotions from an encounter with a woman living life with terminal cancer.  It has been a while since I have blogged.  It has been a time of quiet reflection on my part; a slowing down to really focus on my family and doing a lot of introspection.  As I read the scholarship contest that is being offered by She Reads, a division of the Proverbs 31 Ministry team, I couldn’t get the image of a woman off of my heart and couldn’t resist blogging about it.  She is the inspiration for my six word story.  The contest is to write a story in six words so I am going to give you that story here tonight and then follow up tomorrow with more details.  To enter this contest or to attend She Speaks please click on this link:  http://shespeaksconference.com

Without further ado here is my entry, let me know what you think:

Wispy locks. Chemo survivor. Weary warrior.

The Faith of a Child.

It has been so long since I blogged, I could not remember what my WordPress theme looked like. Sad, but true. I have not really felt like blogging too much and I know it is the work of Satan whispering in my ear that no one is reading what I write and it really is not worth my time. A few weeks ago, though, something happened that touched me deeply and I wanted to share here. And if no one is reading it now, someday my kids will and I know that they will enjoy it.

My youngest daughter, Selah, just turned 4. She is a character; full of laughter and joy, mischievousness and independence, love for life and she goes full speed ahead. She has always prayed the stock bed-time and dinner time memorized prayers until recently. Recently she had begun with no greeting to God, no requests, and no care how long it takes or who is listening. I LOVE that. It is always begun with – “Thank you for”. . . and the list begins. At first she would keep her eyes open and would list every food item on her plate, every person around the table and sometimes the objects that caught her eye as she looked around the room. Recently however, she showed me a glimpse into heaven. For some reason in the middle of her prayer things changed. She started with, “Thank you for the soup, thank you for the milk, thank you for Mommy and Mia, Thank you for the grilled cheese.” But then she left the room, “Thank you for my Mee Maw, thank you for Christmas, thank you for horses, thank you for snow that we can eat, thank you for snowflakes, thank you for books.” Her prayer went on for a good five minutes. I was blown away by how her heart opened up and she went to a place in her mind where she wasn’t just thanking Him for the things that she could see right at that moment, but all the things that she knew and loved. For a 4-year old to pray that long and to list so many things that were not physically present, was a bit humbling.

There were  two things that hit me as she prayed.  First,  the following verses were shown to me by my child.  1 Thessalonians 5:17 – 18 – “¹⁷pray without ceasing; ¹⁸in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” My BABY modeled this for me in a really and deeply moving way.  I have always sort of blown these verses especially verse 17 off.  I mean, seriously, who has time to pray without ceasing.  My, Selah, showed me yesterday how sweet this time spent with Jesus can be.  Second, I know that there are people who might say that, “She’s only four.  She has no idea what she is saying or Who she is saying it to.  I absolutely do not believe that. I fully believe that God is present in our lives before we are conceived and never leaves us.  When we are children we can feel that.  We just accept it.  As we grow older, the world tears apart that innocence and we listen more and more to our own sinful nature drowning out the purity of God voice.  The longings that we have for Him are replaced with longings for the things of this world.  It makes me so sad to know that I am so guilty of this very thing.  Listening to my baby girl made me realize how close He is.  How much he loves us and wants a relationship with us.  I so long to be the child of God who is thankful with every breath I have for all that He has done for me and Who, He is.

“Total Renovation”

A few weeks ago I met with my pastor about what is going on in my life and where I am headed on life’s journey.  He has been an integral part of my healing process and giving me direction.  I shared with him how hard it has been to write and how heavy my heart has been.  His advice was to keep writing.  So, I decided to follow his advice; to pray about what God wants me to write about and just do it.  Yesterday I wrote about three pages in my book and I blogged.  It felt so good to put something down in print.

This morning as I got ready to blog I felt no peace about what to write. Nothing in my head felt right.  But I feel God gently nudging me to share what I read in my devotional this morning.  It spoke to me about why God allows us to go through trials and I needed to hear that.  I know from talking to some of you that you guys do too.  So here it is.

God uses His obstacle course of faith to break through our layer of long-standing habits — those deep-seated attitudes we have formed during busy years of active service, high (often unrealistic) expectations, and success-oriented motives that only feed our carnality.  All that is ultimately stripped away, and at this stage we begin to understand what God has in mind:  The total renovation of our entire being.  And it is here that we learn humility — the crowning accomplishment of God’s inner working.

Five Meaningful Minutes a Day
– Charles Swindoll

“to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.”  Titus 3:2

To be quite frank, this hit so close to my heart.  I know that I have many bad habits that are keeping me from having the kind of relationship with God that I desire.  I know that over the years I have not said “no” to serving, especially in the church, because there is angst that I am not doing enough, being productive enough or serving enough.  I have gone overboard, left myself reeling with my obligations to commitments and been unable to truly serve with a willing heart.  And to say that I am a perfectionist with high expectations may possibly be the understatement of the year.  I want everything I do to be done exceptionally well with clearly visible results.  And when I have served and been able to see things accomplished I have taken pride in that.

As I read th last portion of the devotion I looked at what Mr. Swindoll wrote about God wanting a total renovation of being.  And specifically at learning humility.  I went to my Bible resources and looked up the Greek word used in several of the verses supplied and what it means is: “lowliness of mind” (Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words).  As I started to think about this I recall the verse that says “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 God’s ideas are so much higher than ours and unless we are willing to humble ourselves and put ourselves under His authority and become who He created us to be we are totally missing the reason that we are here on this earth.  So if you are like me and in need of a renovation of humility, join me in pleading with Him to show Himself to us and open our hearts to His leading and teaching us to be humble and serve Him sincerely.

Trudging On.

Wow.  I went to my blog this morning just to visit an old friend and realized that I have been silent for almost six weeks.  I want to share with you, where my heart is.  I had to confront a major issue in my life just before I stopped writing.  It flat knocked me on my tail and sent me for a loop.  It has also had the effect of making the words dry up.  I have sort of just tucked my head down, put on my work boots and trudged through the daily busy-ness and stumbled on.  But my heart has been so heavy and all the busy-ness taken it’s toll.  Not only have the words dried up, but I’ve had a hard time hearing my Redeemer.  Satan is not whispering in my ear but shouting words of hate, anger and despair.  I would like to say that I have just been taking some time to regroup and refocus but I wouldn’t be telling the truth.  I decided today that it’s time to slam the door on Satan’s voice and let God reveal His comfort for me.  Hopefully along the way, by sharing my struggles, someone else will be able to take comfort from a fellow believer staggering along and give him/her the strength to reach for God’s hand and let Him walk with you.

One of the verses in my devotional scripture from today was Psalm 119: 2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. If you are like me and have been struggling under the weight of a burden, let’s seek Him with all our heart.  He treasures our willingness to seek Him.  He longs to be our Comforter, Sustainer and Friend.  I don’t know about you, but I need that right now.  Join me in seeking Him?

She Speaks Conference

Hey guys. Just wanted to give you a little information about a conference that I am hoping/planning on attending at the end of July. The She Speaks Conference,  is hosted by the Proverbs 31 Ministry. Everything that I have heard about this conference sounds wonderful and I am so excited about the prospects of learning!!

God has placed a burden on my heart to write a book that I feel in no way qualified to write, but called to do so anyway. I am so hopeful that this conference will help prepare me with the methodology for making publishing a book possible.

Proverbs 31 and Cecil Murphy have teamed up to offer scholarships to the conference and I’m praying that if it is God’s will that my entry will,  if not win, at least touch the hearts of the team of evaluators. You can see how to enter the scholarship contest by clicking on this link to Glynnis Whitwer’s blog.

Please pray for this conference.  Pray that lives will be touched, paths will be opened, but most of all that God will be glorified.

The Peak Ain’t All it’s Cracked up to Be! Just Sayin’ . . .

Last week I told you guys that I was facing a day that had the potential to be the hardest of my life. I think it certainly ranked pretty high up on the list of difficult days. I had a lot of anxiety on Wednesday and had to continually give my situation to God in prayer that day. I had some wonderful, Godly counsel in dealing with my situation and thankfully the situation was dealt with in a timely fashion. It was emotionally draining, but in a good way. On Thursday, I struggled terribly with being totally drained. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about what had transpired. I knew that the likelihood of having immediate relief was slim, and yet I think my heart had hoped that I would feel immediate liberation from this stronghold in my life. So when I woke up Thursday morning and felt worse than I did on Wednesday I was sad, mad and so very disappointed.

I spent the day Thursday in reflection, processing what had transpired the day before and praying that God would show me His grace and hold me in His hand. I had a chance to go horseback riding and to my quilting class on Thursday. Both of those things helped me see beauty around me. So thankful that God gave me those things and allowed me to feel such peace. Friday, after spending some time talking with Barry and sort of going through some of the things that I was feeling I realized that some of the pain wasn’t as sharp and I could look at my situation from a little different perspective. Saturday was spent car shopping. Not a wonderful experience, but my girls were wonderful and showed me how blessed I am 1) to have a patient husband 2) loving and well-mannered children and 3) the opportunity to be able to afford transportation.  We went home (with no car. LOL.) That evening, after we put the kids to bed, Barry and I spent more time talking through my feelings and what I discovered is this:

I think that in life we are living in the mountains.  It makes me think of Miley Cyrus’ song “The Climb,

There are always going to be challenges that we face.  Her song talks about “The climb” itself.  For me, I always add Jesus to the equation.  We can climb and fight and claw our way up but without God at our side, we are doomed to failure.  I wish her song showed that.  In life, we are seemingly always striving to have those mountaintop experiences. We toil and we climb the mountain before us hoping that once we get to the top the view will be spectacular and it will be worth the effort that it took to get to the top. At times the climb will be straight up with steep cliffs on both sides with the path clearly marked before us, but seemingly impossible to go up. Other times as we round the bend the path may meander and seem to disappear and we have to really seek the right way. It is easy to become lost in our push to make it to the top. We know that the pinnacle of success will be worth the scratches from the thorns of life, the twisted ankles of walking on loose rocks off the path and the skinned knees from falling as we searched for our own way, rather than sticking to the clearly marked trail. But hey, it’s all part of that journey to the peak, right? So what happens when we reach that pinnacle; when we’ve made it to the top and we look around at the beauty that surrounds us. I don’t know about you, but I can only stay so long at the top. At some point, it comes time to climb back down.

I have always been one of those people who felt like getting down was worse than trying to climb up. At least with a goal in mind it is easier to push on. I am also very impatient and want to get down quickly. I have discovered in my own life that when I rush too quickly down the mountain without careful consideration of where the next step should be, I am like a mountain-biker racing out of control. (And that is not pretty.) For me, going down takes a slowness and steadiness with complete fixation on each step in front of me. When I get impatient and fail to look at where my next step is I often stumble and trip. (I am really very “un-graceful”!) It is hard on me to keep myself under control. It is sometimes painful and my muscles burn and ache with the effort to slow down and stay on the path. I think life is like this. Sometimes we get so focused on getting through a tough situation and getting to the “peak” that we often lose sight of the path ahead of us that God has prepared for us. We tell Him that we don’t need a trail-guide, we can do it ourselves and then we become lost. For me, and my situation, the “peak” of my situation was very anti-climactic. And as I started the climb down, the way still seemed so difficult as I was lying in my bed Saturday evening.

Sunday dawned. A new day. God’s holy, set-apart day. It was rainy and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I like a good snooze, especially after a week of not sleeping very well. . . But knew I NEEDED to be in God’s presence in a big way. We went to Bible Fellowship and had a sweet time of fellowship and looking into God’s word.  Having a chance to see His connection with all of creation, His sovereignty, and His love for mankind was so sweet. We looked at the passage that is traditionally used for Palm Sunday. But I saw it with new eyes that morning. Jesus rode in on a Donkey, loving those people shouting “Hosanna” – even knowing that soon they would be yelling “Crucify Him.” I also knew that soon Jesus would be in terrible pain, and yet still show the ultimate act of forgiveness to all who caused Him pain. Who am I, not to offer my own forgiveness just because I hurt or was wronged? It is not meant for us to have unforgiving hearts. It can be a death sentence. We can become so ensnared in our sense of justice and “right and wrong” that we lose sight of a God who ignored what was “Just” and made the ultimate sacrifice of forgiveness in order that we might be the beneficiaries of His love. We can do no less. After Bible Fellowship we went to worship.  And ah, my heart was open to His voice after hearing and sharing His word in Bible Fellowship.

We sang a new song in worship. It spoke of God entering the darkness. His power being greater than anything else. He is the ultimate Healer and He is OUR GOD!  He loves us and he hurts for us and he heals us when we let Him in. Oh the cries of my heart for His healing. How I love my God. My tears flowed and my heart overflowed with His healing touch. Then Jerry began to preach. He shared God’s word from 2 Corinthians 1: 8 – 11 “8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Jerry shared that we can see our circumstances as a death sentence.  We can be so focused on our problems that we fail to see it as God’s way of shaping us into tools for His glory.  Not only that, but that He walks with us the whole way through to the other side.  And he uses our circumstances to teach us to rely totally on Him.  It made me see that God is there all the way up the mountain, at the peak, and even unto the other side.  My death sentence is gone.  I felt my heart leap for joy.  Tears streamed down my face as I thought about how God had allowed me to feel pain so that I can be His tool.  I am overwhelmed that He loves me that much.  That he cares enough to take the time to refine me and shape me.  I felt my anger at my circumstances melting away.  I felt forgiveness rising up.  For the first time in many years I felt free.  Saturday night I thought it would take many years to really “feel’ forgiveness in my situation.  I committed to taking it to His feet for the rest of my life as long as it took to really mean, “I forgive”.  I’m totally blown away that God cleansed my heart so quickly.  Now, that said, I know that my humanness will arise and I will ignore things from God that I should not and I will probably still have to take it to His feet of grace again.  I will fall down and I will fail.  But I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God will be walking with me the whole way, working on making me totally His and I love that about Him.

I sincerely hope that as you read my journey that God will open your heart so you can feel His love on your own journey.  Should you not know Him, please don’t wait.  He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you today; this very hour.  Won’t you face your climb with Him rather than climbing mountain after mountain alone and lost?