A few weeks ago I met with my pastor about what is going on in my life and where I am headed on life’s journey. He has been an integral part of my healing process and giving me direction. I shared with him how hard it has been to write and how heavy my heart has been. His advice was to keep writing. So, I decided to follow his advice; to pray about what God wants me to write about and just do it. Yesterday I wrote about three pages in my book and I blogged. It felt so good to put something down in print.
This morning as I got ready to blog I felt no peace about what to write. Nothing in my head felt right. But I feel God gently nudging me to share what I read in my devotional this morning. It spoke to me about why God allows us to go through trials and I needed to hear that. I know from talking to some of you that you guys do too. So here it is.
God uses His obstacle course of faith to break through our layer of long-standing habits — those deep-seated attitudes we have formed during busy years of active service, high (often unrealistic) expectations, and success-oriented motives that only feed our carnality. All that is ultimately stripped away, and at this stage we begin to understand what God has in mind: The total renovation of our entire being. And it is here that we learn humility — the crowning accomplishment of God’s inner working.
Five Meaningful Minutes a Day
– Charles Swindoll
“to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.” Titus 3:2
To be quite frank, this hit so close to my heart. I know that I have many bad habits that are keeping me from having the kind of relationship with God that I desire. I know that over the years I have not said “no” to serving, especially in the church, because there is angst that I am not doing enough, being productive enough or serving enough. I have gone overboard, left myself reeling with my obligations to commitments and been unable to truly serve with a willing heart. And to say that I am a perfectionist with high expectations may possibly be the understatement of the year. I want everything I do to be done exceptionally well with clearly visible results. And when I have served and been able to see things accomplished I have taken pride in that.
As I read th last portion of the devotion I looked at what Mr. Swindoll wrote about God wanting a total renovation of being. And specifically at learning humility. I went to my Bible resources and looked up the Greek word used in several of the verses supplied and what it means is: “lowliness of mind” (Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words). As I started to think about this I recall the verse that says “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 God’s ideas are so much higher than ours and unless we are willing to humble ourselves and put ourselves under His authority and become who He created us to be we are totally missing the reason that we are here on this earth. So if you are like me and in need of a renovation of humility, join me in pleading with Him to show Himself to us and open our hearts to His leading and teaching us to be humble and serve Him sincerely.
Wow. I went to my blog this morning just to visit an old friend and realized that I have been silent for almost six weeks. I want to share with you, where my heart is. I had to confront a major issue in my life just before I stopped writing. It flat knocked me on my tail and sent me for a loop. It has also had the effect of making the words dry up. I have sort of just tucked my head down, put on my work boots and trudged through the daily busy-ness and stumbled on. But my heart has been so heavy and all the busy-ness taken it’s toll. Not only have the words dried up, but I’ve had a hard time hearing my Redeemer. Satan is not whispering in my ear but shouting words of hate, anger and despair. I would like to say that I have just been taking some time to regroup and refocus but I wouldn’t be telling the truth. I decided today that it’s time to slam the door on Satan’s voice and let God reveal His comfort for me. Hopefully along the way, by sharing my struggles, someone else will be able to take comfort from a fellow believer staggering along and give him/her the strength to reach for God’s hand and let Him walk with you.
One of the verses in my devotional scripture from today was Psalm 119: 2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. If you are like me and have been struggling under the weight of a burden, let’s seek Him with all our heart. He treasures our willingness to seek Him. He longs to be our Comforter, Sustainer and Friend. I don’t know about you, but I need that right now. Join me in seeking Him?
Hey guys. Just wanted to give you a little information about a conference that I am hoping/planning on attending at the end of July. The She Speaks Conference, is hosted by the Proverbs 31 Ministry. Everything that I have heard about this conference sounds wonderful and I am so excited about the prospects of learning!!
God has placed a burden on my heart to write a book that I feel in no way qualified to write, but called to do so anyway. I am so hopeful that this conference will help prepare me with the methodology for making publishing a book possible.
Proverbs 31 and Cecil Murphy have teamed up to offer scholarships to the conference and I’m praying that if it is God’s will that my entry will, if not win, at least touch the hearts of the team of evaluators. You can see how to enter the scholarship contest by clicking on this link to Glynnis Whitwer’s blog.
Please pray for this conference. Pray that lives will be touched, paths will be opened, but most of all that God will be glorified.
Last week I told you guys that I was facing a day that had the potential to be the hardest of my life. I think it certainly ranked pretty high up on the list of difficult days. I had a lot of anxiety on Wednesday and had to continually give my situation to God in prayer that day. I had some wonderful, Godly counsel in dealing with my situation and thankfully the situation was dealt with in a timely fashion. It was emotionally draining, but in a good way. On Thursday, I struggled terribly with being totally drained. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about what had transpired. I knew that the likelihood of having immediate relief was slim, and yet I think my heart had hoped that I would feel immediate liberation from this stronghold in my life. So when I woke up Thursday morning and felt worse than I did on Wednesday I was sad, mad and so very disappointed.
I spent the day Thursday in reflection, processing what had transpired the day before and praying that God would show me His grace and hold me in His hand. I had a chance to go horseback riding and to my quilting class on Thursday. Both of those things helped me see beauty around me. So thankful that God gave me those things and allowed me to feel such peace. Friday, after spending some time talking with Barry and sort of going through some of the things that I was feeling I realized that some of the pain wasn’t as sharp and I could look at my situation from a little different perspective. Saturday was spent car shopping. Not a wonderful experience, but my girls were wonderful and showed me how blessed I am 1) to have a patient husband 2) loving and well-mannered children and 3) the opportunity to be able to afford transportation. We went home (with no car. LOL.) That evening, after we put the kids to bed, Barry and I spent more time talking through my feelings and what I discovered is this:
I think that in life we are living in the mountains. It makes me think of Miley Cyrus’ song “The Climb,
There are always going to be challenges that we face. Her song talks about “The climb” itself. For me, I always add Jesus to the equation. We can climb and fight and claw our way up but without God at our side, we are doomed to failure. I wish her song showed that. In life, we are seemingly always striving to have those mountaintop experiences. We toil and we climb the mountain before us hoping that once we get to the top the view will be spectacular and it will be worth the effort that it took to get to the top. At times the climb will be straight up with steep cliffs on both sides with the path clearly marked before us, but seemingly impossible to go up. Other times as we round the bend the path may meander and seem to disappear and we have to really seek the right way. It is easy to become lost in our push to make it to the top. We know that the pinnacle of success will be worth the scratches from the thorns of life, the twisted ankles of walking on loose rocks off the path and the skinned knees from falling as we searched for our own way, rather than sticking to the clearly marked trail. But hey, it’s all part of that journey to the peak, right? So what happens when we reach that pinnacle; when we’ve made it to the top and we look around at the beauty that surrounds us. I don’t know about you, but I can only stay so long at the top. At some point, it comes time to climb back down.
I have always been one of those people who felt like getting down was worse than trying to climb up. At least with a goal in mind it is easier to push on. I am also very impatient and want to get down quickly. I have discovered in my own life that when I rush too quickly down the mountain without careful consideration of where the next step should be, I am like a mountain-biker racing out of control. (And that is not pretty.) For me, going down takes a slowness and steadiness with complete fixation on each step in front of me. When I get impatient and fail to look at where my next step is I often stumble and trip. (I am really very “un-graceful”!) It is hard on me to keep myself under control. It is sometimes painful and my muscles burn and ache with the effort to slow down and stay on the path. I think life is like this. Sometimes we get so focused on getting through a tough situation and getting to the “peak” that we often lose sight of the path ahead of us that God has prepared for us. We tell Him that we don’t need a trail-guide, we can do it ourselves and then we become lost. For me, and my situation, the “peak” of my situation was very anti-climactic. And as I started the climb down, the way still seemed so difficult as I was lying in my bed Saturday evening.
Sunday dawned. A new day. God’s holy, set-apart day. It was rainy and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I like a good snooze, especially after a week of not sleeping very well. . . But knew I NEEDED to be in God’s presence in a big way. We went to Bible Fellowship and had a sweet time of fellowship and looking into God’s word. Having a chance to see His connection with all of creation, His sovereignty, and His love for mankind was so sweet. We looked at the passage that is traditionally used for Palm Sunday. But I saw it with new eyes that morning. Jesus rode in on a Donkey, loving those people shouting “Hosanna” – even knowing that soon they would be yelling “Crucify Him.” I also knew that soon Jesus would be in terrible pain, and yet still show the ultimate act of forgiveness to all who caused Him pain. Who am I, not to offer my own forgiveness just because I hurt or was wronged? It is not meant for us to have unforgiving hearts. It can be a death sentence. We can become so ensnared in our sense of justice and “right and wrong” that we lose sight of a God who ignored what was “Just” and made the ultimate sacrifice of forgiveness in order that we might be the beneficiaries of His love. We can do no less. After Bible Fellowship we went to worship. And ah, my heart was open to His voice after hearing and sharing His word in Bible Fellowship.
We sang a new song in worship. It spoke of God entering the darkness. His power being greater than anything else. He is the ultimate Healer and He is OUR GOD! He loves us and he hurts for us and he heals us when we let Him in. Oh the cries of my heart for His healing. How I love my God. My tears flowed and my heart overflowed with His healing touch. Then Jerry began to preach. He shared God’s word from 2 Corinthians 1: 8 – 11 “8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
Jerry shared that we can see our circumstances as a death sentence. We can be so focused on our problems that we fail to see it as God’s way of shaping us into tools for His glory. Not only that, but that He walks with us the whole way through to the other side. And he uses our circumstances to teach us to rely totally on Him. It made me see that God is there all the way up the mountain, at the peak, and even unto the other side. My death sentence is gone. I felt my heart leap for joy. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about how God had allowed me to feel pain so that I can be His tool. I am overwhelmed that He loves me that much. That he cares enough to take the time to refine me and shape me. I felt my anger at my circumstances melting away. I felt forgiveness rising up. For the first time in many years I felt free. Saturday night I thought it would take many years to really “feel’ forgiveness in my situation. I committed to taking it to His feet for the rest of my life as long as it took to really mean, “I forgive”. I’m totally blown away that God cleansed my heart so quickly. Now, that said, I know that my humanness will arise and I will ignore things from God that I should not and I will probably still have to take it to His feet of grace again. I will fall down and I will fail. But I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God will be walking with me the whole way, working on making me totally His and I love that about Him.
I sincerely hope that as you read my journey that God will open your heart so you can feel His love on your own journey. Should you not know Him, please don’t wait. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you today; this very hour. Won’t you face your climb with Him rather than climbing mountain after mountain alone and lost?
Today has the potential to be the hardest day of my life. Today I am having to confront a very difficult situation and I do not want to have anything to do with it. It is painful. It is scary and has had way too much impact in my life for a long time. But today is the day to face the beast instead of running and hiding. I’m committed, but have been anxious about whether I am doing the right thing and for the right reasons. My answer came this morning in my quiet time and God blessed me to my very core.
This morning as Barry and I were reading through the word I was re-reading the story of David and Goliath (I will share in a later blog post why this scripture, this morning. *smile*). After reading that I wanted to go read the 23rd Psalm (another blog post. . .) As I finished the 23rd Psalm I just kept reading and there in Psalm 25 I found verses 4 and 5: “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” These words alone were enough to make me realize that God is my Savior and that as I take action today it is a process by which He is teaching me to better follow Him. The added benefit is that as this day goes along He goes with me; and if I have moments of anxiety and a desire not to proceed He is going to guide my path. I have hope in Him “all day long.” God didn’t just leave it at that though. I had decided to pray through and journal this scripture this morning. But felt that I still wanted to do my short devo book reading too. Hello, God speaking through Charles Swindoll this morning. Can I get an AMEN! Here’s what I read in his book, “Five Meaningful Minutes a Day”:
Job did not say, “When He has tried me, I will make a million!” Or, “When He has tried me, I’ll get everything back that I lost.” Or, “When he has tried me, my wife will say she’s sorry and will make things right.” No, it’s not the externals that are promised, it’s the internals. The Lord promised Job, “When the process is finished, you’ll come forth as gold. Then, you’ll be ready to serve me where I choose.”
So, after reading this I stopped. I thought long and hard about this. Man, Job had it rough, but God was there the whole time. Not only that, but after all the yucky stuff, Job was ready to serve and be used. I decided I liked the sound of that. Then I went on to read the scripture that went with the devotion. And I was blown away.
“He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10
I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.” Jeremiah 32:40
“For He is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under His care. . .” Psalm 95:7
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
The bottom line for me is that 1: God adores all of us, yes, even me. He is our shepherd and he watches over us, disciplining where needed, guiding where necessary and loving us always. 2: Life is hard and painful and sometimes scary, but He is there. Always. Nothing is going to happen to us that He cannot use to shape us into the people that He wants us to be, so that we can serve Him best. 3: Our external circumstances are but that: circumstances. Our internal Spiritual DNA is what truly matters.
So, I sat in my living room this morning with tears rolling down my cheeks. Tears of joy, because I know that God has asked me to undertake a very difficult task today that is intended for His glory. It is for my refinement and my healing. I cannot do this alone. It is too scary; but not so with God as my Shepherd. As you read this, please pray for me. Pray that as Satan tries to distract me from these truths today that he will be unsuccessful and that my “hope” will be in my Savior “all day long.” Blessings my friends. Blessings.
Joy. What a sweet word. So short, and yet, full of impact. I got to experience pure and unadulterated joy this weekend. It was our Mia’s Eighth birthday. She wanted to have some friends go ice skating with her. She had never been, but ever since the Olympics, that is what she plays constantly at our house. She wears slick socks and fancy costumes and choreographs elaborate routines to “skate” around our kitchen and family room. So, to get to go ice skating for real was her hearts desire for her birthday. Now you know me. You know that things that are foreign to me make me anxious. You know that when I am in a situation that is beyond the parameters of my control my palms sweat, my heart pounds and I really just want to throw up. Yep, it’s that bad. So you can imagine how things were going as we arrived with 4 girls ranging from 7 – 10 years old and then two 3 year olds to go skating. It was not pretty to say the least. I had not planned on skating. My plan was to sit back and supervise. But then I quickly realized that my husband just cannot ice skate. Watching him weeble and wobble a couple of feet and hearing him tell Selah(our 3 year old) that Daddy really just couldn’t help her, gave me hives. I could just see split skulls, broken arms and bloody lips. So of course I had to march myself back down to the ticket window and rent myself some bee-you-tee-full hockey skates. I got back up to the rink and proceeded to step out on the ice to try and keep chaos at bay. Luckily, my sister was there to help the kids too. We quickly realized that there were too few of us, who could actually stand up to be able to help our, shall we say, less graceful family members. Luckily those smart people running the place provide these little red ice skating walkers that can be rented for an extra $5 and my Mom and Dad procured some of these broken-bone saving devices. Those who needed the extra help got the extra help. Those who wanted to try it on their own did. And in the process of being on that rink in the gorgeous weather, (so hot we stripped off our coats and just wore our shirts) watching those girls skate and fall, get up and go again, making friends with those around them and the whole time laughing their fool heads off, I let go. I let my big girl skate as fast as she could go and wipe out with a thud that made my Mama’s heart shudder. I let my husband just be himself having fun with those kids. I let my baby girl talk me into holding onto her and the walker and push her around that rink so fast our hair was blowing in the wind and she was yelling “Go faster, Mama, go faster” in between bursts of gut-wrenching giggles! At the end of the session I even let that little bundle of joy take off on her own while I stood back and held her Daddy’s hand and we made fools of ourselves skating together. And along the way I felt joy rising inside of me and spilling out of my mouth. It caught me off guard. Finding that joy there on the ice was exhilarating and liberating and scary.
Joy is a word, that for me, usually conjures up a sense of sadness and loss. I know that is the antithesis of the meaning of joy and yet, for me the connotations of the word are not so joyful most of the time. I, like so many of you, am weathering some stormy times right now. I’ve been taking some time to dig deep; ask myself difficult questions and pray for God’s answers to come. God’s been after me for a while to just give it all up to Him. I saw this weekend that He can give me a joy that is totally foreign to me if I will just let Him. My bible says this: “He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” I found this verse in Job of all places. Job, who had every right to be angry, sad, defeated, you name it and he had the source for all those negative emotions and yet in Job 8:21 the Word tells us in no uncertain terms that God will give us joy. We all go through times of trial and struggle but I am clinging to the above verse and holding onto Psalm 30:5 “. . . weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” It’s time for me to let God give me some joy in my life. I have robbed Him of that by “controlling” my life. I’m ready for some joy. Are you?
Recently Barry and I joined the Newly Married Bible Fellowship class at our church on Sunday mornings. We aren’t exactly newly married, but because we had been through so much in our own marriage and come so far we hoped that we might be of some service to some of these newly married couples and we have also learned that there is much to be learned from them as well! We are so blessed to have our pastor teaching the class. It is so wonderful to see all these godly couples that God has brought together! Right now we are studying Living by the Bookby Howard Hendricks. It is an in depth look at how to study the Bible for yourself. In last weeks lesson, Hendricks suggested sticking with an entire book of the Bible for one month and studying it thoroughly. He also suggests that you read out of different translations of the Bible because often when the same thing is presented differently we see something new. Studying one book per month in different translations would, in one year give you an intimate knowledge of twelve books of the Bible and after4 – 5 years of study you would have an astonishing level of understanding of God’s word. So, Barry and I have decided to do just that. We decided that the book we would study is Galatians. Why Galatians? I have a complete outline for writing a book on Galatians Five, but to do so, we felt called to research and know intimately all of Galatians. This will hopefully allow me to use Chapter Five, not out of context and to honor God with truthful writing. But I am afraid. I’m afraid to commit to something I don’t feel equipped to write. I am afraid that others won’t like it. I am afraid that I am biting off more than I can chew. I am afraid . But I feel called. The words I read this morning have made a huge impact on my decision to get started in earnest.
As I began to read in The Book this morning I asked God to show me something new and with fresh eyes that I could see Him more clearly; that I could grow closer to Him. I am so thankful that I prayed that prayer this morning. He so graciously answered my prayer. Let me share the scripture first and then share what is on my heart.
Galatians 1: 15 – 17 ” 15Butwhen God, who had set me apart even from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, was pleased 16to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, 17nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus.
Three things stand out to me in this sections. First Paul notes that God set Paul apart even from his mother’s womb. What does that say to me? That he has a plan for each and every one of us; that we are known from the time we are conceived. We each are ordained for the ministry where God places us and in whatever form He wants it to take. It doesn’t matter if that ministry is to preach God’s word, like Paul or teach our children to love the Lord. It doesn’t matter if He calls us to be missionaries in Africa or coach a football team in Nebraska. Wherever we are, whatever we do, God cares and He has a path for us. Second, Paul was called by grace. So are we. We can’t earn our salvation. We don’t deserve our salvation and yet God is “pleased” to give direction to our lives through his grace. I am a sinner. I fall short daily. But I am loved and I am His child. My direction in life comes as a direct result of accepting His undeserved grace. Third Paul says that when God gave him[Paul], his [God's]direction Paul did not stop to “consult with flesh and blood nor . . . go up to Jerusalem. . . but . . . went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus.” Yikes. How often do I immediately pursue the things that God has laid on my heart? Often I will turn to a friend or family and say, “what do you think about…?” Or “Do you think I could/should. . .?” Ouch. I see so clearly this morning that when I turn to others for ideas and their perspective instead of listening to His Spirit inside of me, I am walking away from Him. I am taking a journey down a path that is not of His choosing. That is painful. I am a people pleaser. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. And when I do, I am miserable. And yet, why am I not as concerned with pleasing Him as pleasing others. How much pain do I cause the One who has so freely given me such grace?
Father, please allow me to hear your voice, take comfort in your grace and accept the plans that you have for me. Help me be content in those things. Lead my steps, guide my words and forgive my failures. I desire to know you more fully and to be ever faithful to your teachings. Strengthen me to do so when I am weak. Draw me close to you. I love you Lord. Amen.
Today is my last day working at the tax office. In a way it’s a big relief. It’s been hard on my kids to get up and go stay with someone else during the day. Getting up so early is not generally in our daily routine. Lol. But we have survived and along the way my heart has been touched tremendously and I hope my attitude changed forever. I just have to share my experience with you and hope that you are blessed.
All day long I sit and do data entry. What that means is that for every person, couple or family group that comes in I put all their documentation into the tax program we use at the office to calculate the tax refunds that are eligible or what is owed to the IRS. In the past when those papers would come rolling in I would groan and moan when someone would come in with several W2’s or Unemployment, 1099R’s, Social Security benefits because it meant more work for me. All I wanted was a single, simple w2 that was neat and efficient and I could be done with their file quickly and move on to the next one. I also have to admit when people would come in with several W2’s and unemployment my thoughts about them were not the kindest. And heaven forbid if you only came in with unemployment. Just could not fathom how anyone could not be more productive. My heart aches at the sinfulness of those thoughts.
All those papers coming through my hands were/are people’s lives. Lives that are messy and complicated and difficult. Lives of single Moms trying to get by. Lives of men struggling to provide for their families in a tough economy. Lives of Grandmothers who have grown sons and daughter’s and their children who’ve lost their homes and are now living with Grandma while she works three jobs trying to help them all. Lives of a Mom and Dad who both have a W2 and unemployment slips, doing the best they can to hold on to the means to provide for their family. These are the people who’s lives come through my hands with so much messy paperwork. God loves them immensely. God sees them and His heart aches for the trials that they are facing. I saw that this time. I felt that this time. Initially, Brandon Heath’s song, “Give Me Your Eyes.” began to play over and over in my mind as I entered all the data into the computer. This year, as those files have come into my hands and then on to the preparers hands my heart has ached and my voice has begun to lift them up to a God who sees their needs and loves them.
I am so thankful that God opened my eyes and allowed me the privilege of praying for His children these few weeks. I am so blessed. His words command us to “love one another.” John 13: 34 – 35:34“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” I so hope that in a small way I have loved these people who have come through the doors of the office and that I have honored Him in doing so.
I told you a couple of weeks ago that God had really laid some scripture on my heart and wanted me to ingrain it heart and mind into the very fabric of my soul. This is not an easy thing for me because I have a pretty sharp mind and the ability to use words to my advantage in most cases. My Mother always said that I should have been a lawyer because I could win any argument that arose and my husband will tell you she isn’t too far from the truth. I have learned that I use my words to hide my vulnerability. I use them to keep people from seeing who I really am and the insecurities that I feel. I use them when I am unsure of myself, so that I feel secure. And as you know, if you have been reading my blog, I like to feel in control and when I don’t, it scares me!!! So without further excuse and putting it off here is what God has been telling me to do: KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!!
I have heard some form of Ephesians 4:29 all my life. My Mom used to love to use her version of it, by saying, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I just never realized that it is a mandate from the Lord. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ouch. So He really wants me to keep my mouth shut? When I am scared and want to defend myself? When I am vulnerable and don’t want to hurt? When I am wrong and don’t want to admit it? When I am angry and want to lash out? When I am not in control and that’s what I want? Yuck. I LIKE to talk. So this command is not an easy one for me. I have also figured out that the place where I most struggle with this is in my own home. It is hard for me not to be critical of my husband. It is hard for me not to push my kids too much. It is hard to accept that God is in control and I am not. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that. So how is this ever going to work????
Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” This is how I’m going to do it; by praying His word daily, hourly and sometimes minute-by-minute. I have already failed repeatedly at this over the last few days, but it is getting easier. You know what I have noticed? My relationship with my husband has become especially sweet. I have felt things for him that have been denied to us because of my accusatory words. My kids have benefited from this new denial of self in the way I have been able to see and love them without my words getting in the way.
Our preacher told a story about a young man that was instructed by his father to go pound a nail into a fence-post every time he said something negative to someone. At first he was constantly pounding nails into the post. As time went by and he got tired of putting those nails in and he had to do so less and less. Eventually it became a rarity. Finally his Dad told the boy that he felt like he had worked on it and done a good job changing his behavior and that now the boy could go pull all the nails out of the post. As the boy was finishing up, the Dad came out and asked the boy to look at the post. It was full of holes and badly scarred. The Dad told the boy that what he was seeing on the post was exactly what our words do to those around us. We can say we’re sorry, much like pulling out the nails, but the holes and scars are still there. We can never undo the damage our words cause. The only way to prevent those scars is to not say the words.
I want my family to be strong, beautiful posts supporting others around them. I challenge you to join me in upholding Ephesians 4:29. If you need to use Psalm 141:3 like me, by all means grab it too!!! If there are other verses that mean more to you share it with us here. We could all use the help!!!
This morning I really feel the need to share something that is weighing heavy on my heart. With all the news coverage coming out of Haiti and the economic situation in this country, coupled with a friend who is now having to make a huge transition into single motherhood, I wanted to share with you what I think is the most important thing in this world. Sometimes we get caught up in the everyday living and become so ego-centric that we miss the really important things because we are so caught up in self and so short-sighted. My day yesterday showed me that in a powerful way.
If you have been reading my blog at all you know that I have been a stay-at-home Mom for a few years now. I love my job. But, every so often I start to miss the adult connections found in a work place. All four of our little family unit spends the majority of every day in the same house. Most days I love that. Some days . . . I feel like I am going to pull all my hair out. That being said, I have a friend who runs a tax office and she always hires temp workers for the season and Barry and I decided to see if I could join her staff this season. We could definitely use the money, I could get out of the house and we found suitable and affordable childcare for my girls for the part-time hours I would need to be away. All these things seemed so important as we were making that choice. I had no idea how working one day would really impact my heart.
Yesterday was my first day on the job. I was not used to being away from my kiddos and I worked a really long day! I didn’t get home until late yesterday evening and Barry and the kids had waited on me to eat dinner. I had put some soup in the crock-pot before I left for work so we could all just sit together and eat when I got in. I sank wearily onto the seat at our table and just took in the sight of my girls and their precious faces. My Mia is a quality time girl. She was ready to talk about all the things she had done that I had missed that day. It was enough for her that I was able to sit and just listen to her. My sweet Selah is a physical touch, love-bug. So the whole time we ate dinner and Mia talked, Selah kept scooting closer until her little bottom was resting on my lap and her back was firmly pressed up against me. Every once in a while she would look up and kiss me and say, “I love you, Mama.” I wish I could convey the sweetness of that moment, but words just don’t suffice.
I was bone-weary from a schedule I wasn’t accustomed to. In the past, I might have let myself dwell on needing to rest, and that Mia could not quit talking, and Selah was all up in my space. But that wasn’t what I felt last night and thankfully that attitude has become less and less over the years. As I sat there I thought about how fortunate I was to have that time with my girls. I kept thinking about all those women who have to work; those women who don’t have a choice, especially all the single moms who have to do it all. My heart was breaking for them and I felt so much respect for the job that they do every day with their families. I felt so undeserving. I felt so blessed and so unworthy. And as I sat there with that precious voice of one daughter swelling in my ear and the warmth of my other daughter resting in my lap, I thought not just about all the working Moms who have to mother their children through their weariness, but also about all the families in Haiti who will never again have an opportunity to hear or hold their children or children who will never hear or be held by Mom or Dad. My heart is so heavy for those families.
My experience working yesterday and thinking about Haiti made me see that no matter what the circumstances and the future holds for me, I have a precious opportunity in every minute God allows me to have with my family. I know that I may need to work or that may not be His plan. I have no idea what my life’s path is going to take. I don’t have to know and I don’t have to worry about it. His word tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, plans to give you hope and a future.” I am so thankful that I have a Guide who will direct me, provide blessings and sustain me when things are hard. Watching my friend go through this last year, seeing all the destruction in Haiti and especially all the orphans and their plight has really brought home to me the importance of knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior. I pray that if you don’t have the assurance of that relationship, you will seek Him out. Having a relationship with the Savior, studying His word and living life for Him makes life so much sweeter and makes the impossible, possible. The following video is a powerful reminder of who He really is, even in the midst of weariness, chaos and destruction. Do you know him?
Going 2 try new way 2 clean my house for me. I do all the dusting then the vac, then. . . Going to try completing one room @ a time instead.about 7 hours agofrom txt
have four justin bieber vip packages. Aug 8 in charlotte. DM or text me if interested.08:23:40 PM July 27, 2010from txt
Lived on this hill almost all my life. NEVER seen a storm like last night. Storms knocked corn down b4. this 1 took our tomato plants down.01:53:32 PM July 27, 2010from txt
Recent Comments