The Peak Ain’t All it’s Cracked up to Be! Just Sayin’ . . .
Last week I told you guys that I was facing a day that had the potential to be the hardest of my life. I think it certainly ranked pretty high up on the list of difficult days. I had a lot of anxiety on Wednesday and had to continually give my situation to God in prayer that day. I had some wonderful, Godly counsel in dealing with my situation and thankfully the situation was dealt with in a timely fashion. It was emotionally draining, but in a good way. On Thursday, I struggled terribly with being totally drained. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about what had transpired. I knew that the likelihood of having immediate relief was slim, and yet I think my heart had hoped that I would feel immediate liberation from this stronghold in my life. So when I woke up Thursday morning and felt worse than I did on Wednesday I was sad, mad and so very disappointed.
I spent the day Thursday in reflection, processing what had transpired the day before and praying that God would show me His grace and hold me in His hand. I had a chance to go horseback riding and to my quilting class on Thursday. Both of those things helped me see beauty around me. So thankful that God gave me those things and allowed me to feel such peace. Friday, after spending some time talking with Barry and sort of going through some of the things that I was feeling I realized that some of the pain wasn’t as sharp and I could look at my situation from a little different perspective. Saturday was spent car shopping. Not a wonderful experience, but my girls were wonderful and showed me how blessed I am 1) to have a patient husband 2) loving and well-mannered children and 3) the opportunity to be able to afford transportation. We went home (with no car. LOL.) That evening, after we put the kids to bed, Barry and I spent more time talking through my feelings and what I discovered is this:
I think that in life we are living in the mountains. It makes me think of Miley Cyrus’ song “The Climb,
There are always going to be challenges that we face. Her song talks about “The climb” itself. For me, I always add Jesus to the equation. We can climb and fight and claw our way up but without God at our side, we are doomed to failure. I wish her song showed that. In life, we are seemingly always striving to have those mountaintop experiences. We toil and we climb the mountain before us hoping that once we get to the top the view will be spectacular and it will be worth the effort that it took to get to the top. At times the climb will be straight up with steep cliffs on both sides with the path clearly marked before us, but seemingly impossible to go up. Other times as we round the bend the path may meander and seem to disappear and we have to really seek the right way. It is easy to become lost in our push to make it to the top. We know that the pinnacle of success will be worth the scratches from the thorns of life, the twisted ankles of walking on loose rocks off the path and the skinned knees from falling as we searched for our own way, rather than sticking to the clearly marked trail. But hey, it’s all part of that journey to the peak, right? So what happens when we reach that pinnacle; when we’ve made it to the top and we look around at the beauty that surrounds us. I don’t know about you, but I can only stay so long at the top. At some point, it comes time to climb back down.
I have always been one of those people who felt like getting down was worse than trying to climb up. At least with a goal in mind it is easier to push on. I am also very impatient and want to get down quickly. I have discovered in my own life that when I rush too quickly down the mountain without careful consideration of where the next step should be, I am like a mountain-biker racing out of control. (And that is not pretty.) For me, going down takes a slowness and steadiness with complete fixation on each step in front of me. When I get impatient and fail to look at where my next step is I often stumble and trip. (I am really very “un-graceful”!) It is hard on me to keep myself under control. It is sometimes painful and my muscles burn and ache with the effort to slow down and stay on the path. I think life is like this. Sometimes we get so focused on getting through a tough situation and getting to the “peak” that we often lose sight of the path ahead of us that God has prepared for us. We tell Him that we don’t need a trail-guide, we can do it ourselves and then we become lost. For me, and my situation, the “peak” of my situation was very anti-climactic. And as I started the climb down, the way still seemed so difficult as I was lying in my bed Saturday evening.
Sunday dawned. A new day. God’s holy, set-apart day. It was rainy and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I like a good snooze, especially after a week of not sleeping very well. . . But knew I NEEDED to be in God’s presence in a big way. We went to Bible Fellowship and had a sweet time of fellowship and looking into God’s word. Having a chance to see His connection with all of creation, His sovereignty, and His love for mankind was so sweet. We looked at the passage that is traditionally used for Palm Sunday. But I saw it with new eyes that morning. Jesus rode in on a Donkey, loving those people shouting “Hosanna” – even knowing that soon they would be yelling “Crucify Him.” I also knew that soon Jesus would be in terrible pain, and yet still show the ultimate act of forgiveness to all who caused Him pain. Who am I, not to offer my own forgiveness just because I hurt or was wronged? It is not meant for us to have unforgiving hearts. It can be a death sentence. We can become so ensnared in our sense of justice and “right and wrong” that we lose sight of a God who ignored what was “Just” and made the ultimate sacrifice of forgiveness in order that we might be the beneficiaries of His love. We can do no less. After Bible Fellowship we went to worship. And ah, my heart was open to His voice after hearing and sharing His word in Bible Fellowship.
We sang a new song in worship. It spoke of God entering the darkness. His power being greater than anything else. He is the ultimate Healer and He is OUR GOD! He loves us and he hurts for us and he heals us when we let Him in. Oh the cries of my heart for His healing. How I love my God. My tears flowed and my heart overflowed with His healing touch. Then Jerry began to preach. He shared God’s word from 2 Corinthians 1: 8 – 11 “8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
Jerry shared that we can see our circumstances as a death sentence. We can be so focused on our problems that we fail to see it as God’s way of shaping us into tools for His glory. Not only that, but that He walks with us the whole way through to the other side. And he uses our circumstances to teach us to rely totally on Him. It made me see that God is there all the way up the mountain, at the peak, and even unto the other side. My death sentence is gone. I felt my heart leap for joy. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about how God had allowed me to feel pain so that I can be His tool. I am overwhelmed that He loves me that much. That he cares enough to take the time to refine me and shape me. I felt my anger at my circumstances melting away. I felt forgiveness rising up. For the first time in many years I felt free. Saturday night I thought it would take many years to really “feel’ forgiveness in my situation. I committed to taking it to His feet for the rest of my life as long as it took to really mean, “I forgive”. I’m totally blown away that God cleansed my heart so quickly. Now, that said, I know that my humanness will arise and I will ignore things from God that I should not and I will probably still have to take it to His feet of grace again. I will fall down and I will fail. But I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God will be walking with me the whole way, working on making me totally His and I love that about Him.
I sincerely hope that as you read my journey that God will open your heart so you can feel His love on your own journey. Should you not know Him, please don’t wait. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you today; this very hour. Won’t you face your climb with Him rather than climbing mountain after mountain alone and lost?
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